J.Lynn Johnston's Blahg!

I love my life! You should too…

Shenanigans!

So… My friend Dave is trying to beat the Thanksgiving weekend traffic by driving the 400 miles to his family functions overnight Wednesday. He’s planning on leaving at midnight. Dave normally gets up at about 6 AM to go to work, so he’s trying to trick his body clock so that he won’t be as tired during the drive. He decided that the best way to do that would be to stay up all night tonight, then sleep all day tomorrow. Then he’ll get up, pack his stuff up, and leave after traffic has died down (theoretically). He asked me if I had any advice for his all-night warm-up session tonight…

I live in a pretty odd neighborhood. It’s all industrial buildings and freight trains (my loft is sandwiched in between a concrete yard and an old NBC prop warehouse). Anyway, there’s never any shortage of stupid stuff to get into, so I invited him over to kill some time. We spent the rest of the time till sunrise acting like complete 12-year-olds…

Dave showed up with two brand-new battery powered pellet guns, which shoot plastic BBs just hard enough to sting bare skin, but not hard enough to even feel through a sweatshirt. After about an hour of chasing each other around the parking lot and trying to shield our eyes from the flying pellets, we decided to shift our juvenile aggression toward a more deserving species.

There are skunks in my neighborhood. There are skunks in my neighborhood because there are stray cats in my neighborhood. People who work around here put food out for the stray cats, and all they end up feeding are skunks. Anyway, I know where the main supply of food is left out, and guaranteed Dave we’d find skunks to stalk. With pockets full of bright blue ammunition and MAG Lites in tow, we set out to shoot some stink.

The area is pretty sketchy at night, and we ended up waking up two separate homeless men during the hunt… But we finally made it to one particular shipping yard where one particular jackass leaves piles of cat food outside (we’re talking probably close to 40 pounds of it). Sure enough, no cats were eating the food. But our quest was rewarded with a single skunk, chewing lazily on his unlimited supply of Meow Mix. I caught the reflected glow of his eyes with my flashlight, and knew he was ours for the taking. We’d have to shoot our pellet putters through a chain link fence. He was small, and a bit difficult to get at, but we wasted no time!

With a hail of (pitifully underpowered) blue bullets, we scared the stench and stripes right off the varmit. In trying to get away from me, he ran towards Dave. Then realized Dave was shooting too, and turned back towards me. Then he got smart and stopped. He raised his tail.

Suddenly Dave and I were the ones running like chickens. In order for our furry enemy to be within range of our silly toy guns, we had to get well within range of his not-so-silly ass end. I got clothes-lined by barbed wire in the escape, and Dave shot me a couple times in his retreat.

We got our wits back, regrouped, and charged back out from behind our palm tree shelter to find the skunk gone. Dang. Oh well… It killed about an hour…

We also ended up flying a remote controlled airplane head-on into an oncoming freight train. Intentionally. All in all, it was a good way to waste an entire night.

Love and pre-teen tendencies,
=j.lynn

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November 26, 2003 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. Sure enough, no cats were eating the food. But our quest was rewarded with a single skunk, chewing lazily on his unlimited supply of Meow Mix.

    and

    I got clothes-lined by barbed wire in the escape, and Dave shot me a couple times in his retreat.

    made me laugh a little too loud.

    Comment by Ed | July 17, 2009 | Reply


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