J.Lynn Johnston's Blahg!

I love my life! You should too…

XYZ, Supafly…

-Last night I was at the Troubador in LA, catching the Independent Voices tour with Shawn Smith (Brad, Pigeonhed, Satchel), and Brian Vander Ark (Verve Pipe). The music was amazing, and it was awesome to see Shawn Smith play again with a full band behind him. Anyway, apparently I was so wrapped up in the music that I forgot to button my fly back up when I came out of the bathroom.

-So there I was, stranded in the center of the room with my fly gaping open… The stage lights were glinting their reflection off the silver buttons that should have been closed… I was stuck. If I reached down to fuss with my fly, everyone would notice me fiddling with my weiner region in a crowded public space. If I left it as it was, I was in danger of being arrested for indecent exposure… So I did the only thing I could think to do… I went to the bar and ordered a beer…

-You see, the bar is tall enough that it blocked the view of my wide-mouthed fly, so as long as I kept facing the bartender, all was hidden. I ordered a Heineken, and as I was reaching into my pocket to get my cash, I detoured a bit and got one of the buttons done up. The nice young lady brought me my drink, and in hindsight I realize that I tipped her a suspiciously high amount. Oh, well… If she knew my game, she didn’t let on.

-As I was putting my cash back in my pocket, I got the rest of the buttons done up. It took a bit too long, and I’m sure the bartender thought I must have been either exremely uncoordinated or that my pants were far too tight for it to take THAT long to get my money back in my pocket… But again, she let me keep my dignity, and I was ready to rejoin the rock and roll masses. Confidence restored, and conscience clean…

-I’m so smooth… Well… Not really… If I had been smooth, I wouldn’t have forgotten to button my fly in the first place… So never mind… I’m a retard… But the rest of the night was great. And there was less of a breeze…

Love and sticky fingers,
=j.lynn

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December 19, 2003 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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