J.Lynn Johnston's Blahg!

I love my life! You should too…

So Does This Mean I’m A *MODEL* Now?

Life is hilarious…

-I have a job at a club on weekends. It’s a lot of fun. I work with some great people, and when we’re not busy running around like frantic little monkeys, we have some good times goofing around.

-There is a roving photographer who attends all the events at the club and takes pictures to put up on the various promoters’ web sites. People love it, because everyone loves looking at pictures of themselves. Especially when they’re on the internet. Maybe it makes them feel famous. Go figure.

-A couple months ago, I was closing up with a couple of the bar tenders at the club on a Sunday night. The photographer was hanging out too, and we were all goofing around while we attacked our various closing tasks… The club had long since cleared out, so it was pretty much just us and a couple security guards left at the bar. The photo guy had space left in the memory card of his digital camera, and started taking pics of us as we shut the place down. He asked three of us to get together and pose for a picture.

-Given the jackass mood we were all in after a night of dealing with club mischief, we all decided to turn around and moon the camera. No serious shots for us. No way. We’re WAY to tongue-in-cheek for that…

-We knew none of the post-closing shots would end up on the web site, because that’s not the point of the photos anyway. So we weren’t worried about being “exposed” as the smart asses that we are. We laughed amongst ourselves about the “surprise” that the poor webmaster would have to delete, and went on with our work. The web master would put up only the best photos of the club patrons just like he does every week, and that would be the end of it…

-Or so we thought.

-I get to work a couple weeks ago, and the bar tenders are cracking up laughing. They hand me a flyer advertising the 5-Year Anniversary party for Club London, the 80s/indie night which is the regular Sunday night event at the club. I didn’t see what was funny. It was just an oversized glossy post card with some photos of 80s bands and a collage on the other side.

-Then I saw my own ass. Clear as day. Right hand side of the collage.

-Indeed, our “shoot the moon” photo had been omitted from the promoter’s web site selections, but had found its way onto the THOUSANDS of flyers they had printed up to advertise their big anniversary bash. Awesome. These flyers are now ALL OVER the city of Los Angeles.

-The Anniversary party was last Sunday night. Two days nights ago. So again, I figured I was done with it. Ha ha. Move on. Right?

-Nope. I got recognized.

-I get online today, and my friend Ashley sends me an Instant Message… “Do you ever go to Club London? I’ve got handed a flyer with your butt on it.” Apparently my visible tattoo is a dead giveaway in the photo. But it wasn’t even Ashley who recognized my ass. It was one of her FRIENDS!

-So I figure I have to come clean with this. Publicly own up, and just tell the story so we can ALL laugh about it. I’d hate to hog the comedy… Besides… We all know that naked humor is the funniest sort. Have at ’em…

The Anniversary Flyer

Just an innocent collage…

How did THAT get in there???

Love and famous cheeks,

April 19, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Here’s the latest, straight from the horse’s swollen mouth, as of Tuesday April 5th…

-I have a voice now, but it still hurts to use it. Not so much the vocal cords or anything. Just the tensing and stretching of the rest of my throat/face in order to form things that kills me… So I’m still shutting up.

-The first week was pretty bad. With my throat, it’s been kinda like a really bad strep throat case. But as previously mentioned above, we all know that I’m used to getting strep all the time. So nothing new to me there. Only this time around, the throat pain isn’t accompanied by extreme fevers or crazy body aches. So it just kinda ends up being frustrating. Like I’m not sick. Just sore. And sedated.

-My nose hurt pretty bad for the first week, too. Again, it’s been broken before. So I already know what that felt like, too. But the difference NOW is that there’s been this constant drip and drainage that I have to stay on top of. And just managing the cleanup hurts when all you want to do is leave the sore spots alone. And here I am, having to soak up all sorts of fluids with all sorts of absorbent materials just so I don’t drown on my own pillow. And there are stitches holding my septum in place, which demand a bit more agility in the “mopping up.” Otherwise the eyes are insta-watery. But it’s been fun experimenting with how far into my nasal cavity a Q-Tip will go. Since about day 6 1/2, my nose has been hurting noticeably less. But the throat is still kickin’ my ass.

-Vicodin doesn’t really help PAIN. It just helps you not care about pain. And it also helps you vomit. I dealt with it for a few days, and I think it was beneficial. It helped me sleep. But after day 4, it just nauseated me too much. So I haven’t taken any since then. And in the place of the nausea, I was blessed with a couple days of EXTREME ACID REFLUX. Me and my defects, I tell you. It made it impossible to sleep for a couple days. Because every time I would recline, my chest would explode as it ate itself. Just the thing to get after having SURGERY, right? Something that makes it impossible for you to lie down and rest and recover! But it seems to have gone away a bit. It’s hard to sleep in general, because I keep rolling over and smashing my nose in the pillow, or some other random shooting pain wakes me up. But it gets better each night.

-I’m down to 154 pounds as of yesterday. I hate liquid diets.

-I tested my voice on day 3. I sang. Did a couple wheelies that require some agility. It’s still there. We’ll see about any tonal changes or other characteristic differences in the long run. But that put me at ease, at least knowing that I still HAVE my voice. It just hurts like hell to use it for a while…

-So I’ll keep hanging in if you do the same. And thanks for all the love notes and well-wishes. It goes far these days…

Love and throat craters,

P.S. – Check out my green sockets.

April 5, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment