J.Lynn Johnston's Blahg!

I love my life! You should too…

XYZ, Supafly…

-Last night I was at the Troubador in LA, catching the Independent Voices tour with Shawn Smith (Brad, Pigeonhed, Satchel), and Brian Vander Ark (Verve Pipe). The music was amazing, and it was awesome to see Shawn Smith play again with a full band behind him. Anyway, apparently I was so wrapped up in the music that I forgot to button my fly back up when I came out of the bathroom.

-So there I was, stranded in the center of the room with my fly gaping open… The stage lights were glinting their reflection off the silver buttons that should have been closed… I was stuck. If I reached down to fuss with my fly, everyone would notice me fiddling with my weiner region in a crowded public space. If I left it as it was, I was in danger of being arrested for indecent exposure… So I did the only thing I could think to do… I went to the bar and ordered a beer…

-You see, the bar is tall enough that it blocked the view of my wide-mouthed fly, so as long as I kept facing the bartender, all was hidden. I ordered a Heineken, and as I was reaching into my pocket to get my cash, I detoured a bit and got one of the buttons done up. The nice young lady brought me my drink, and in hindsight I realize that I tipped her a suspiciously high amount. Oh, well… If she knew my game, she didn’t let on.

-As I was putting my cash back in my pocket, I got the rest of the buttons done up. It took a bit too long, and I’m sure the bartender thought I must have been either exremely uncoordinated or that my pants were far too tight for it to take THAT long to get my money back in my pocket… But again, she let me keep my dignity, and I was ready to rejoin the rock and roll masses. Confidence restored, and conscience clean…

-I’m so smooth… Well… Not really… If I had been smooth, I wouldn’t have forgotten to button my fly in the first place… So never mind… I’m a retard… But the rest of the night was great. And there was less of a breeze…

Love and sticky fingers,
=j.lynn

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December 19, 2003 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Stupid People…

So… Why is it that the stupidest people in the world always argue the loudest? Especially when it comes to matters of their own intelligence? Here are a couple examples…

1. The guy who sleeps through class and fails every exam in college argues loudly that grades are no indication of how intelligent someone is… Somehow, he’s the same guy who is always bumming rides because his car got towed, etc. Riiight, guy. It’s all just coincidence… And no, I won’t give you the notes from yesterday’s class…

2. The girl making a rediculous scene at a restaurant (because SHE ordered the wrong thing) tells the manager that he can’t win an argument just by fooling her with big words. “She’s too smart for that.” Uh huh… And how intelligent will you feel when you’re eating your waiter’s saliva later on?

3. The chick chewing gum and twisting her hair around her acrylic fingernails, talking about so-and-so’s boob job and whatshisname’s new Navigator, tells her circle of identical friends that her new Sociology professor needs to get his ass kicked because, “He thinks he’s so much smarter than us.” Yup. You’re right. Ass-whooping is a bankable career skill. Go with that. See you at the top!

It never fails. The most simple-minded people are the ones who find it necessary to bitch and moan about how smart they really are. I’m sure everyone’s got examples of their own here…

The people I find the wisest are the ones who would readily claim ignorance. It’s the perspective that one can learn from any situation they may find themselves in that sets the true intellectuals apart from the mindless masses. The beginning of wisdom is realizing just how ignorant you really are. I think we all have a lot to learn.

Love and the pursuit of knowledge,
=j.lynn

December 11, 2003 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment